If You Have Knowledge, Let Others Light Their Candles With It.

For almost a year now, the world has dealt with COVID-19. It has been at least nine months since most of the world has gone into quarantine due to rapidly increasing positive COVID-19 test rates. The long-term effects are growing numerous.

Statistics also show that suicide rates have been going up even more, possibly due to everything happening in this cruel world. I know many people who have increased depression since the United States has had to isolate themselves from everything and everyone. It’s different to feel alone and be physically alone. You can be in a room full of people, be surrounded by the most loving and caring people that may care about you too, and still feel like you’re alone.

It could also be worse for some people to be forced to be alone, or to stay home all the time. Many teenagers and people, in general, may live in a toxic household. I don’t have the best relationship with my mom; we’re not exactly in a good position considering our home situation, so a couple of months ago when school transferred to distance learning for at least seven months, my home life became even more stressful and part of this caused my depression to increase more than it already has been because of other circumstances that were happening in my life at the time. I could only imagine what other teens were also going through.

For a lot of people, going to school was their escape. That was just taken away from them this year, from many of us, including adults who may have lost their jobs or had to go on leave. My mom is prone to stress, and she quickly gets stressed out. She overworks herself and acts like everything is fine even when she’s physically overwhelmed because of how tired she gets from work and raising my 3-year-old little sister and me.

A couple of weeks ago, she had a stroke and had to leave work to go to the hospital. It turns out she has Bell’s Palsy. This is her second time having half her face randomly get paralyzed, and up to now, it hasn’t gone away. My mom is currently undergoing countless meds, doctor visits, and physical therapy appointments so that she can go back to normal and potentially go back to work before we must move again in a couple of months to our new home.

All of this has really taken a toll on me because since this was her second time getting stroke-like symptoms, her chances of getting it worse and worse every time keep increasing, and the doctors even told her if it happens again after she gets better, if she gets better, she could die. My biological father is not in my life like that. I only have my mom and my little sister. For the past few months, all that goes through my head is the unstoppable “what if’s.” A very close friend of mine’s mom has recently passed away barely two weeks ago. We weren’t on the best terms for a year now because of other family issues, but that just made it hurt much more to find that out and realize that I never got to say goodbye.

Personally, the past couple of months have been eventful, both good and bad, and extremely stressful and overwhelming. I lost motivation to do anything anymore, although it may not seem like it when I go to school and all that. It’s like I’m always physically tired, I don’t want to get up anymore, I don’t want to go to school, but at the same time I know I need to, I don’t want to eat, but then when I do all that, I feel even worse. Last week, I heard on the news that schools might go back to distance learning, and at that point, I just wanted to give up on everything. I’ve been pushing away so many people, trying to get them to detach themselves from me so it would hurt less if I were to leave as well.

Many people don’t know how to cope in times like these, but the least I could do is let them know parts of my story and show them that they’re not alone when going through rough events in their life.